


Feelings

by merlinswritings (emilyswritings)



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M, Merlin - Freeform, Merthur - Freeform, bbc merlin - Freeform, merlin fluff, merlin x arthur pendragon, merthur fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-07-10 04:47:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15942086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilyswritings/pseuds/merlinswritings
Summary: Merlin and Arthur have been hiding their feelings for too long. After much contemplation, Merlin decides to confess how he feels to Arthur.





	1. Chapter 1

Rays of sunlight shone through the canopies, speckling the ground in an uneven pattern. The tall trees cast shadows among the beams light, and the grass swayed as a gentle breeze passed through the forest. Merlin found himself lying on the grass, surrounded by the lush forest, watching the clouds through the gaps in the leaves. He rarely had time to himself; Arthur was constantly giving him work, and his additional duty of ensuring that Albion would come to pass was a heavy weight on his shoulders.

He must have been there for hours, because he heard Arthur shouting his name, followed by the sound of animals running away, ruining the serenity of the forest.

“There you are, Merlin! You’ve been gone for _ages_. I thought you were in the tavern this whole time!”

“Give me five more minutes.”

“No. I need you-”

“You _need_ me?” Merlin smirked, looking up at Arthur who had turned away.

“You didn’t let me finish. I need you to polish my armour.”

“I did that this morning.”

Arthur paused for a moment, before lying next to Merlin, joining him in gazing up at the clouds. They lay in silence for a while, as Arthur had seemingly forgotten why he went out to the forest in the first place. Merlin wasn’t complaining; it meant that he didn’t have to do any more work.

“Sometimes I think that I’m too harsh on you, Merlin,” Arthur began. He sat up to face Merlin, who was still focused on the sky. “Are you even listening to me?”

“Of course, sire.”

“You’re a dear friend. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Merlin raised his eyebrows and smirked at Arthur. Arthur had never said anything like this to Merlin before.

“You’d probably be dead. I’ve saved your life so many times,” Merlin replied. Arthur stared at him with confusion written all over his face. He was incredibly oblivious to Merlin’s actions.

“I’m _trying_ to tell you that I treasure our friendship.”

They both hated that word, ‘friend.’ Arthur never anticipated that he’d fall for Merlin, of all people, and Merlin certainly didn’t expect to fall for an arrogant ‘dollop-head’ like Arthur. Nonetheless, both of them were too scared to admit their feelings for each other, so they ignored their feelings (which inevitably made things worse).

Merlin had had enough of hiding his feelings for Arthur. He’d spent his time in the forest contemplating on whether to tell Arthur, but he decided that it was time to stop kidding himself and tell Arthur how he felt. Besides, if anything went wrong, he could just use magic to make himself forget, right?

“Arthur…”

“What’s wrong, Merlin? You’re quiet today. I miss your usual remarks.” Merlin detected a hint of worry in Arthur’s voice, which sounded more gentle than before.

“You know you’re a dollop-head.”

“I’m also your king, and I’ll have you put in the stocks for that-”

“I want you to be _my_ dollop-head,” Merlin blurted out. ‘ _Of all the things I could have said, I said that?’_ Merlin thought.

“ _Your_ dollop-head?”

“I mean, I never thought I could fall for someone as arrogant and obnoxious as you, but I did. I couldn’t stop it, and I don’t want to keep running away from my feelings, because I’ve almost lost you so many times. I don’t want to lose you and regret not telling you how I feel.”

Arthur stared at Merlin. He spent a while processing what Merlin had said, as he listened to the birdsong and gathered his thoughts. He was quite speechless.

“I’m so glad you told me, Merlin. I thought my hints were too subtle.”

“Hints? What hints?”

“I said you were dear to me just a few moments ago.”

“No, you said I was a dear _friend._ There’s a difference,” Merlin replied, as he sat up to face Arthur who looked away when they made eye contact.

Neither of them knew what to say, since they never expected this to happen. A thousand thoughts were going through Arthur’s mind, and he yearned to break the awkward silence. He looked at Merlin, whose deep blue eyes stared longingly at Arthur. They both slowly leaned in until their lips met, but Merlin pulled away shortly after.

“Sorry. I still can’t believe it.” He looked at the ground, but Arthur gently cupped his cheek and lifted his head so they were making eye contact again.

“It’s alright Merlin.”

“We don’t have to go back right now, do we?”

“I suppose we can stay for a little while longer.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to leave this as a one shot but then I had the idea to make a few more chapters about Arthur and Merlin trying to hide their relationship so uh here's chapter 2. I'm not great at writing stuff to do with ~feelings ~ because for like two years I only wrote about death and violence but I hope you enjoy this! Chapter 3 is coming soon :) (I'm planning to write 10 chapters in total)

“Merlin!”

 

The sound of Arthur’s repeated yelling echoed throughout the castle. It had been a few days since the kiss, and neither of them knew what to do. They had talked about telling their close friends - the Knights, Gaius, and Gwen - but both of them agreed to keep their relationship secret for a while. Arthur knew that there were some people who would strongly disagree with him being in love with a servant, but he knew that his feelings were real, and he wasn’t going to let anyone else decide who he could and couldn’t love. 

 

Arthur heard Merlin’s footsteps slowly get louder and louder until he burst through the door, completely breathless.

“You took your time!”

“I was busy polishing your armour,” Merlin began as he approached Arthur, who was deep in thought while staring out of the window.

“I’ve been thinking-”

“ _ You _ were thinking? I didn’t think that was possible.”

“I was _ thinking _ that I should make you the court fool because you think you’re so funny.”

Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur, and rested his head on Arthur's shoulder. They both looked out at the courtyard, which was busy with knights and guards and people running errands. Arthur saw Gwaine and Percival share a quick kiss before carrying on with their knightly duties. He was jealous of how open they could be;  no one told them they couldn’t be together because of their statuses, but Arthur and Merlin had mutually decided to keep their relationship a secret, at least for a while

“It’s not fair how everyone else can love who they want, regardless of class. I want you to know that I won’t let anyone try to make me end this.”

“I know, Arthur.” 

Those three words comforted Arthur greatly. Knowing that neither of them would let anyone get in the way of their relationship was relieving. His thoughts were interrupted when the door swung open, revealing Gwaine, who opened his mouth to start speaking, but paused with confusion when he saw Arthur and Merlin.

“We were just-”

“Arthur was choking,” Merlin muttered, shuffling away awkwardly. Looking down at the floor, he walked out, desperate to avoid eye contact with either of them.

“A village on the border has been attacked by bandits. They’ve kidnapped the villagers.” 

“Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Gwaine. I’ll be down in a minute,” Arthur said. He didn’t turn around to address Gwaine, as he was hopelessly trying to hide the fact that his entire face had gone red. 

“Arthur…” Gwaine said softly. “I won’t tell anyone.” He left the room before Arthur could reply. Nonetheless, Arthur was grateful; Gwaine knew how difficult it was to hide a relationship, and he was glad that they finally confessed to each other; he didn’t have to watch painfully as they failed at flirting with each other.

 

* * *

Rays of sunlight shone through the window, broken by the shadows of the court who had gathered to listen to the petitioner. There was an eerie silence as they waited for the king to appear; the only sound that could be heard was the creaking and groaning of the old castle. Then, the faint echo of footsteps approaching gradually became louder and louder until Arthur joined the court. As he took his seat on the throne, he made eye contact with Merlin, who winked at him, resulting in Arthur attempting to stifle a laugh. 

 

The doors slowly opened, and a young man shuffled into the room. His eyes were red and his face was bruised from fighting. Everyone stared as he knelt before Arthur, trembling from fear as the events of the previous day flashed before his eyes.

“You don’t need to kneel,” Arthur said softly. The young man looked up at him, and Arthur saw the pleading look in his eyes. “Can you tell us what happened?”

“I was in the woods, gathering some herbs for my mother, sire - she’s sick, you see. Then I heard screams. They were the most terrible screams I’ve ever heard, like it was the end of the world, so I ran back to see what had happened. All I could see was fire and scary men with sharp swords, so I ran back into the woods. I didn’t know what else to do. They’ve taken my family, sire. They’ve taken them-”

“How did you get those bruises?”

“One of the bandits saw me, sire, so he followed me into the woods. I only had my dagger on me, but I managed to fight him off.”

“We’ll get your family back. What’s your name?”

“E-Edmund.”

“Do you think you’ll be able to lead us to your village tomorrow, Edmund?”

“Yes. I’ll do anything to help you, sire. I just want my family back.”

 

The court was dismissed. Gaius took Edmund to treat his wounds, and everyone slowly left to continue with their day. The Knights and Merlin stayed behind, awaiting Arthur’s next instruction: “Gather what you need. We leave at first light.”


	3. Chapter 3

An ominous silence loomed over the abandoned village. Smoke continued to rise up from the burning houses, but the screams of its inhabitants had died out as they were taken by the outlaws. Crows flocked to the ground where bodies were scattered among the rubble. In the neighbouring woods, the Knights of Camelot were preparing to rescue the villagers.

“They’ve completely destroyed it! That’s my home! That’s-” Edmund trembled as he saw his once peaceful and thriving village reduced to rubble and ruin.

“We’ll help you rebuild, and make sure the bandits are brought to justice,” Lancelot replied, giving Edmund a sympathetic smile. “I understand how you feel.”

 

Meanwhile, Arthur, Merlin, and Percival were scouting the village to ensure that there were no bandits skulking about. There was little left of the village, but if any outlaws did remain, they could be questioned on the whereabouts of the villagers. Although Arthur didn’t want to admit it, there was little hope that they’d find them otherwise. Luckily, there were two bandits looting anything valuable they could find - mostly wedding rings or family heirlooms from the corpses of those who were killed. Arthur signalled to Merlin and Percival (but Merlin still didn’t understand what any of the signals meant) and they effortlessly captured the bandits. They were promised “freedom” in exchange for helping the Knights, and turned on the rest of their group without hesitation.

 

The ruin was barely standing; it was weathered and mouldering, neglected for years before the bandits decided to inhabit it. That also meant that it would collapse easily, so the Knights carefully planned their way in. Arthur, Lancelot, and Percival would lead the attack while the rest of the group freed any villagers they could find. Nonetheless, things didn’t go according to plan and they faced some unexpected obstacles.

 

Infiltrating the ruin was easy - there was a plethora of secret passages and tunnels - but there were more guards than Arthur had anticipated, and they threatened to kill even more of the villagers. Evidently, Merlin had followed Arthur (in case he needed to use his magic), so all he had to do was a quick incantation and the guards dropped their swords, allowing the prisoners to escape. Then, the ruin began to collapse as the leader of the bandits became desperate, and  Arthur and Lancelot stayed behind to fight the remaining bandits while the others searched for any more survivors. Merlin was so caught up in helping the villagers that he didn’t realise that Arthur and Lancelot were still in the ruin, which was rapidly falling to the ground. He ran back inside, his heart pounding as he hopelessly sprinted through what was left of the narrow corridors, but there was no sign of Arthur or Lancelot. He searched and searched, trying to find any sign of them - even a sword or a helmet - anything to show that they were alive. He almost gave up, but suddenly he heard a yell, shortly followed by a loud bang. Merlin’s heart sunk. He raced towards the source of the sound, and found Lancelot trying to rescue Arthur from the rubble. He had been knocked unconscious, and was barely alive. Merlin instantly cast a spell that hurled the fallen bricks away from Arthur, allowing the two to carry him out. They scarcely escaped before the whole building fell to the ground.

 

Gwaine, Lancelot, and Merlin set out for Camelot, hoping that Gaius could help Arthur, while the others helped to rebuild the village and restore its prosperity. They hadn’t said much since they departed from the village, and for hours, the only sound came from the crackling fire. Merlin didn’t leave Arthur’s side.

“He won’t make it. Camelot’s too far,” Merlin said bluntly. Gwaine and Lancelot saw how heartbroken he was, but they knew that Merlin was right, and there was only one way Arthur would survive.

“Why don’t you use your magic?” Gwaine replied. Merlin looked at him in shock.

“You know about that?”

“Merlin… you do realise that weird guy on the bridge said we were strength and magic. I’m obviously strength.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“You didn’t mention it, and I didn’t want to intrude.”

“He’s right, Merlin. You need to use your magic,” Lancelot began. “We won’t make it back to Camelot on time.”

Merlin gently took Arthur’s hand, muttering an incantation, but nothing happened. As he turned away, he heard Arthur weakly say: “Merlin?”

“Arthur! Are you alright?”

“I feel like death.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long, I had a lot of work to do :( but this chapter is longer than the others :) thanks for reading! :D also I realised I put the wrong number of chapters because I'm an actual idiot lol

The journey back to Camelot was much easier now that Arthur had been healed. He was weak and fragile with a few broken bones and an eternal headache, but he was _ alive _ . After a few days, they reached Camelot where Gaius was able to help Arthur, and the rest of the Knights returned from Edmund’s village. Arthur was stuck in bed for a week with Merlin looking after him (and enduring Arthur’s endless complaining), and he often found himself wondering whether he should tell Arthur about his magic. 

 

It was barely dawn when Arthur woke up, scrambling for the tonic that Gaius gave him. It killed Merlin to see Arthur in so much pain, but Gaius wouldn’t let him use magic. “You’ve already done so much Merlin. You don’t need to do anymore,” he’d say, but Merlin felt like he hadn’t done enough. He could have prevented Arthur from getting hurt if he’d just been more observant - of course Arthur would stay in the collapsing ruin to make sure that all of the villagers escaped. However, Merlin’s thoughts were interrupted when Arthur said: 

“What’s wrong, Merlin?”

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

“You’re obviously not.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Merlin, you know you can tell me anything. What’s wrong?”

Merlin dragged a chair towards Arthur’s bed, sat down, and gently took Arthur’s hand. He paused for a moment, thinking about what to say. He had no idea how Arthur would react.

“Do you want your pain to go away?” Merlin said quietly.

“I do, but Gaius said it’ll take a while.”

“What if I told you there was a quicker way?” Arthur stared at Merlin, whose eyes quickly flashed gold as he muttered an incantation. Arthur felt the headache leave him instantly, and his broken bones were healed.

“How did you do that?” he asked, pulling his hand away from Merlin’s grasp.

“I have magic.” 

Arthur didn’t say anything. He looked betrayed and shocked; for years Merlin had lived in Camelot and practised magic. If Uther had found out, Merlin would have been executed - he almost was when the witch-hunter accused him. 

“Is that how you healed me before? When I was about to die?” Arthur’s voice was barely audible.

“I couldn’t let you die, Arthur.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“How was I supposed to? I would have been killed-”

“Get out.”

 

Merlin found himself wandering the castle, lost in thought. Although he was sure that Arthur hated him, he felt that a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He didn’t have to hide his magic from the man he loved, and he hoped that Arthur would eventually see that he wanted to help people with his magic, not hurt them. Meanwhile, Lancelot was heading to Arthur; he knew that Merlin confessing his magic would not end well. Arthur was too impulsive. Lancelot had to talk some sense into him before he did something he would regret. 

Arthur was staring up at the ceiling, lost in thought, and didn’t even stir when he heard the door. He played the conversation over and over in his mind, wondering if he could have done something different.  _ Merlin’s probably preparing to leave Camelot _ , he thought.

“Did you know?” he muttered. “Did you know that Merlin has magic?”

“Yes.”

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“Merlin would never do anything to hurt you or Camelot, sire. All he wanted was for you to know who he really is. It was killing him, having to lie to you for so long. Can’t you see that he’s using his magic for good? He healed you, Arthur. You would have died. He’s used magic so many times to save all of our lives, and no one even knew, because if they did, he would have been killed. I know you love him. You can’t let this come between you.”

Arthur wasn’t angry, not anymore. He was shocked - shocked that he’d regarded magic as something evil that should be destroyed; shocked that his father had spent so many years brutally and mercilessly hunting those with magic. Lancelot was right; Merlin would never do anything to harm Camelot, and Arthur regretted being so impulsive and not allowing Merlin to explain. 

“What do you think I should do?”

“Apologise.”

 

In a quiet corner of the busy tavern, Merlin sat alone and unnoticed. His mind was filled with the events of the last few days, and he kept wondering if he could have done something differently. He knew that Arthur didn’t abhor magic like Uther did, but he wasn’t particularly fond of it either. He had been taught that magic was evil and therefore those that practiced it were also evil, and seeing it being used to hurt Camelot didn’t help to convince him otherwise. He was consumed by his thoughts and didn’t even notice what was going on in the tavern - not even when Arthur walked in.

“I knew I’d find you here. You’re always in the tavern.”

Merlin looked up to see Arthur smiling, and looking much better than he did a few hours ago. There was no anger or hatred in his eyes. Lancelot’s words stuck with him, and he knew what he had to do.

“I’m sorry, Merlin.” 

“I didn’t quite catch that.”

“I’m sorry for acting so irrationally.”

“Could you repeat that for me, Arthur?”

“I’m sorry!” 

Arthur practically yelled his apology, not noticing that Merlin was messing with him. A smirk grew on Merlin’s face as the tavern went quiet. It’s not every day that the king apologises to his manservant.

“ _ Merlin. _ ”

“What? I’m not the one who shouted.”

“You made me look like an idiot!”

“You did that all by yourself.”

“I was trying to  _ apologise _ . I shouldn’t have acted so impulsively. I know you would never hurt me or Camelot. I love you, Merlin.”

“I love you too.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone :) i'm so sorry this chapter took so long and is kind of short. i just wasn't happy with how it was before but i am now :D thanks for reading <3

Arthur and Merlin had left the tavern after its patrons had heard their conversation; they listened in dead silence and once Merlin and Arthur had left, their conversations could be heard from the end of the street. It was only a matter of time before the news travelled - the tavern was the most reliable source for gossip. What mattered most to Arthur and Merlin was that they told their friends before the gossips did. After that, they’d announce it to the kingdom officially.

 

Two silhouettes walked down the dark and lonely streets of Camelot. Their laughter echoed through the citadel as they walked back to Arthur’s room. They were reminiscing about their first meeting; Merlin thought Arthur was a complete ass (which he was), and Merlin never expected to fall in love with such an arrogant

“You know, I could have had you beheaded for attacking me,” Arthur said, slipping his hand into Merlin’s as they walked. 

“But you didn’t,” Merlin replied with a smug grin on his face. “I think you secretly knew that I was the love of your life, the only one brave enough to stand up to you.”

“I wouldn’t call that being brave, Merlin. I’d call that being stupid.”

“I could say the same about you.”

“I am  _ not  _ stupid!”

“Keep saying that and you might just convince yourself, Arthur-”

Merlin found himself cut off by Arthur playfully tackling him to the ground. He couldn’t help but laugh; Arthur was so easy to wind up, and every time he didn’t realise that Merlin was just messing with him.

“Why are you laughing?”

“Because you’re stupid. And I’m very drunk.”

“That’s because you’re always at the tavern.” 

Arthur stared at Merlin. He realised that he didn’t want to hide their relationship anymore. They loved each other. It didn’t matter that he was king and Merlin was his servant. He wanted to bring change to Camelot, and he knew that the first step was to stop hiding their relationship. 

 

Merlin awoke to a very disapproving Gaius giving him a potion to help with his hangover. Yet he didn’t regret anything; so much had happened over the past few weeks, and he felt a lot better knowing that Arthur still loved him despite his magic. It brought hope that one day magic would be legal again and people wouldn’t have to live in fear. 

He made his way to Arthur, who lay fast asleep, tangled in his bed-sheets and snoring so loud that the entire castle could hear. Merlin gently shook Arthur to wake him up, and was unsurprisingly greeted with a sleepy “What?”

“It’s time to wake up, sleepyhead,” Merlin whispered, brushing Arthur’s messy hair off his face. He may have been hungover and grumpy, but seeing Merlin’s smile lit up his day like nothing else. Although, Merlin was unusually quiet throughout the whole day - his witty remarks were scarce and he seemed constantly distracted. 

 

“I don’t want to hide this anymore, Arthur.” 

Merlin’s abrupt entrance startled Arthur, who was talking to Percival, Leon, and Elyan as they had just returned from the village. It took him a moment to process what Merlin had just said, but a huge grin grew on his face the moment he realised. They all turned towards Merlin with confusion written all over their faces. Arthur was a little surprised, but he knew that the time was right to tell the others, so he confidently walked to Merlin and intertwined their fingers.

“Merlin and I are in love,” Arthur blurted out. None of the knights looked shocked. In fact, they were completely unfazed by the statement.

“I believe you owe me a drink, Percival,” Leon said triumphantly. “Oh and we’re glad that you two have decided to make your relationship public.”

“How did you know?”

“Between the small smiles when you thought no one was looking and walking along the battlements holding hands? I guess it was just a good guess,” Elyan chimed. 

It wasn’t what Merlin or Arthur expected, but they were both glad that they weren’t keeping their relationship secret from their friends anymore. Nonetheless, they still had to figure out how they would announce it to the rest of Camelot, but that was a problem for another day.


End file.
